So many of you, it kills

Yes I slave. I slave as much as you would expect one to in a short time of 21 years on earth. Appreciation is not there I accept, but now and then it's nerve wrecking. Especially when you are one of them who thank someone over a million times for the slightest matter because I know, that minute counts.

It's the minute that takes our effort to put up with your whining that,

1. pleads for service for free

2. explains to us it is our responsibility

3. reinforces we are brothers/sisters from another mother

4. rattles as a speech of how we will technically save the world

5. believe they are giving us a valuable chance that we shouldn't throw away

6. suggests I take a certain approach to it as well!

7. thinks I should totally put up with the bitch you don't want to work on this with; it's all about the LURVE apparently

8. reminds me I'm meant to do it; I'm chopped liver

9. blesses me in the name of God for the deed

10. tells me I'm all you can count on from the billion odd people you party with the other times

Not forgetting the bomb of it all; 'you do remember you owe me this one mate'. ON FUCKING WHAT? You try to remember.

A misery of measuring the value of a deed seems like a vitamin deficiency of it's own kind. It is primary basics for your information where you can't hold a ten dollar note as a million dollars. So where does this 'You owe me' come from?

1. A guilt trip

2. You're Osama; great brain wash.

3. A racist, you believe you're better.

4. You are an old hag, and I'm young and wasted you assume.

5. You gave birth to me. sigh.

6. You matter to me, but of course I don't to you!

7. You can get away with it anyways. Trying me out was an option.

8. You dated my sister???

9. I helped you before.

10. Apocalypse is near. I'll never figure out what you meant by then.

Sad, sad, sad situation.

Help I will, come clean I need. A jagged edge proposal never cut through without a horrible painful, dodgy and time consuming process. And what's more; it damages a lot and spills an awful lot of blood. Appreciation is more than words we all know, but what we have forgotten is it's way more than silence.

Next time tell me I did a great job, and give me a pat on the back. Yes, then I owe you.

Sunny went home, so the Pearl goes mad

Another day of celebration in Island Paradise. The whole land rejoices as the Sun traveled from one mythical dimension to another. I hope Sun feels at home. I certainly do, and so layed back doing what I do best to relax, I read. I haven't been this fascinated with something I read for awhile and to post it was almost another Avurudu craving. So here goes.

Professor Gilbert J. Rose, a clinical psychiatrist at Yale, has a therory about the artistically creative mind. I came across an account of this specualtion in an essay by John Fowles, who describe it as follows;

'In simple terms, his proposition was that some children retain a particularly rich memory of the passage from extreme infancy; when the identity of the baby is merged with that of the mother; to the arrival of the first awarenss of seperate identity and the simultaneous first dawn of what will become the adult sense of reality - that is, they are deeply marked by the passage from a unified magical world to a discrete 'realist' one. What seemingly stamps itself indelibly on this kind of infant psyche is a pleasure in the fluid, polymorphic nature of the sensuous impression, visual, tactile, auditory, and the rest, that he receives; and so profoundly that he cannot, even when the detail of this intensely auto - erotic experience has retreated into the unconcious, refrain from tampering with reality - from trying to recover, in other words, the early oneness with his mother that granted this ability to make the world mysteriously and deliciously change meaning and appearance. He was once a magician with a wand; and given the right other predisposing and environmental factors, he will one day devote his life trying to regain the unity and the power by recreating adult versions of the experiance: he will be an artist. Moreover, since every child goes through some variation of the same experiance, this also explains one major attraction of art for the audience. The artist is simply someone who does the journey back on behalf of the less conditioned and less technically endowed.

John Fowles added a footnote to this piece: 'Sensitive female readers may not be too happy about the pronoun used in this, but the theory helps to explain why all through more recent human history, men have seen better adapted - or more driven - to individual artistic expression than women. Professor Rose points out that the chances of being conditioned by this primal erotic experiance are (if one accepts Freudian theory) massively loaded towards the son...' Actually I don't see why girls would have differing memories than the boys as described by Professor Rose, but I thought it sufficiently controversial to merit an airing.

- John Fowles, Wormholes, Vintage (London 1999) -

Bloody fascinating don't you think?

Oh well, happy New Year buggers...Go mad till we meet again at another sunny side.